Note to self…

 I’m learning lessons from the demise of my relationship with my SIL…


1) Don’t let someone get comfortable with disrespecting you. ‘Nuff said.
 2) I will not let anyone walk through my mind with their dirty feet. I totally get this one, because all I’ve been trying to do since our relationship died, is CLEANSE my mind with positivity, new boundaries, meditation and yoga. Six months along and I’m getting there.

  3) Inner peace begins the moment you choose not to allow another person or event to control your emotions. Tara Brach‘s talks and meditations have been CRUCIAL in this.

  4) Your peace is more important than driving yourself crazy trying to understand why something happened the way it did. Let it go. I’ve always struggled in the past with this…over and over people have told me to let it go. Finally, I’ve learned this lesson. I accept I will never understand narcissistic behaviour…I don’t actually want to, but I will seek to understand how to manage myself around narcissists (refer back to note # 1).

I’ve accepted that my SIL is who she is, I can’t change her. But I can change me. And I am. I am getting stronger every single day. And I received a divine download a few days ago…I’m GLAD she isn’t involved in my life anymore! She was over-bearing, gossipy and overall, just not my type of person. I feel free! So she has actually done me a favour. And that realisation (plus Tara Brach) has made forgiveness a whole lot easier.


A working mum again

Firstly, let me apologise to you dear blog and my lovely readers. I’ve neglected you for quite some time. Mainly my absence was due to depression and even though on medication for it, I had no interest in…well, anything. So, up went the dosage and I can now start to see light at the end of the tunnel. 

There are still so many unanswered questions regarding my SIL. How could I be so blind to her manipulative, narcissistic personality? How could I let myself get sucked in? Way too many times I let things slide and gave her the benefit of the doubt. I feel so foolish. I have to see her twice daily as our kids are at the same school and then I have to see her at after-school sports activities. Ugh, she’s everywhere! A reader, Hillary, advised I read up on how to deal with narcissistic family members and I will. Living with the anxiety is hideous.

In other news, I have a new job! I’m working as office support to the reception team in a private cosmetic surgery clinic. It’s perfect. There’s really very little responsibility so I can go in, do my thing and leave again. From the start, I said it had to be within school hours and school terms so I could be with my kids. My employer agreed! I nearly fell over! A job that matches my skills, experience and values…I keep having to pinch myself. I’m feeling really really really really lucky.

Thank you all, to each and every one of you that comment. Your supportive, encouraging and constructive words mean the world to me.


Saturday is sports day

 Today is an amazing Autumnal day. The sun is shining, the harbour is a sparkly blue and still. Being a Saturday morning, our family is up and out very early for our kids’ sports. Our 9 year old plays soccer at 9am and our 5 year old plays rugby (his first ever season) at 9:30. A lot has to happen in a short period of time on a Saturday morning and as I’m typing this, I’m thinking to myself, “How the fuck did I do this hungover?” The truth is, last season when I was drinking, I didn’t always do it. There were a lot of mornings I stayed in bed instead. Just another black mark in the crap parent column. 

My husband is co-coach of our son’s soccer team so was with them this morning, which meant I was taking Harry to rugby. He plays in a team with his cousin. My SIL’s son. The SIL I’m having all this trouble with. I was all angsty about it, but we were first to arrive which made it easier somehow. It was difficult to start with but I gave myself a mental pep talk about focusing on Harry’s game and being present for him. And it worked. I stood by myself for the majority until my husband and soccer son arrived for the last 5 minutes. In that time Harry scored another try and unlike the previous two, I had someone beside me to celebrate with. My husband is my rock, on so many levels.

Walking back to the car, I decided enough with the feeling angsty shit. It’s a gorgeous day, I’m gonna go for a run. And so I did. The first time in, I don’t know, maybe 2, 3 maybe even 4 weeks. It felt really good, mentally to be out there. It was good for my heart, literally of course but mostly spiritually. I haven’t been able to write a blog entry all week, despite dropping in and wanting to, but then leaving after ‘liking’ and commenting on others. Today’s run cleared my head. And my heart.