No limits

I had Fleetwood Mac tickets but sold them, because they were tickets as part of “the cool crowd” who have completely shunned me, following my SILs lead. There was no way I could have gone, no way I would have wanted to go.

In Sept it was my Mum’s 70th birthday and as a gift, I found a house in Kaka Point and was going to take her away for the weekend (plus my Dad etc). However, she declined to go stating that she didn’t want to appear to be “taking sides” in a conflict between my brother’s wife and me. I was pissed off, but cancelled the weekend and chose to respect her choice. However, my brother bought her and Dad Fleetwood Mac tickets and my parents went!

Seeing photos of narcissistic SIL at the Fleetwood Mac concert with my parents = hurt. She knows no limits. Taking all our mutual friends from me wasn’t enough for her, she has slowly but surely manipulated my parents too. And as for it being my parents choice to go, well yes, they made their choice so that hurts too.

Helpful, kind people in my life are quoting Shakespeare who said, “I always feel happy, because i dont expect anything from anyone. Expectations hurt.”

People are arseholes sometimes. I’m desperately trying to manage my feelings, my reaction. Trying to channel Tara Brach. Heeding Shakespeare’s wisdom. But holy crap, I’m losing!

  

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4 thoughts on “No limits

  1. ainsobriety says:

    I am so, so sorry this is happening.
    I have nothing to say except take care of yourself. You don’t deserve to be treated badly. People often act without thinking. But that still hurts.
    Sending you love and a big hug.
    Anne

    Liked by 1 person

  2. GeeA says:

    Oh yes, I so feel your pain. You know I do. The family shit really hurts. I have it too. But am trying to be very clear with my words and intentions with those that are still close to me. This whole SIL SHIT has made me focus on what is really important. And just remember that those that know and love you deeply are the ones you can focus on – apart from your own sweet self, that is. So rise above it my dear friend. Put it to one side. Or try. I need to reaffirm this to myself on a daily basis too. This coming weekend is the ‘family outing’ to which I was not invited. But I’m going with OH. I have to. Otherwise SIL might think she can engineer (she did it successfully this time) a gathering and OH will come without me always. Not this time. After that who knows. This ‘narcissistic witch’ is not going to have a chance to plant her vile thoughts in his head. And even if she does try I think my OH is smart enough to know that what he lives with daily (me) is not the mental nutcase she may insinuate that I am. I hope so anyway. In the meantime, I am getting on with my life. Focus on what is good in your day. Be present. Being sober has given me so much clarity. Christmas is going to be your next challenge with the family thing. Don’t be surprised if your parents have already accepted an invite…. I’m waiting for it on Sunday from SIL. I know already that she is having ‘a family Christmas’ at their new place. And wants all in attendance. We have 4 other invites – now. It will be interesting to see how OH handles this when asked – as I am sure he will be. She actually wanted us to go and stay after the thing on Sunday! I asked OH if he wanted to. Cos if he did I said I was happy to stay home and feed the dogs etc at the farm. No frigging way on earth will I eat or sleep at her house ever again (but didn’t tell OH that – I’m not that stupid.) I don’t want to create more division within our relationship. Anyway, jeepers, sorry – this turned into a real ramble. I send you much love and kind thoughts. I do know your pain. It is deep. It hurts. It will ease. Trust me – it does. Have you seen a therapist? The one I saw really opened my eyes to the narcissistic qualities of my SIL. I had an inkling. But to actually have a professional confirm it gave me great strength – and the knowledge that I wasn’t going nutz! And neither are you. Nutz – that is! Email me off site if you want. Anytime.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Millie says:

    Where’s the dislike button? I’m so sorry your SIL it still making your life difficult and yes, there are buttholes in the world…. lots of them but there’s also wonderful, lovely people – try and focus on those. Your SIL doesn’t deserve any energy given to her, negative or otherwise, don’t give her the benefit of sensing a weak spot. Show her that she doesn’t affect you, try and be gracious and rise above it. She will be her own undoing eventually. Sending a hug your way

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Findingmyfreedom says:

    I wanted to go to FM in Auckland but I’m not quite ready to do another concert as it was the last one in Auckland that led to my final bout of drinking. I am so sorry that this is happening to you. I wish I had words or could do something to make it better. Big hugs to you from me. You are so strong and are rising above all this rubbish beautifully xx

    Like

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