Constantly nit picked

I’m exhausted. Not the kind from over-doing life, or working too hard. No, I mean the emotional type of exhaustion. The crap with the family conflict just doesn’t end. Our lives were so tightly intertwined it’s bloody difficult and taking so bloody long unpicking it. And I’m fed up of thinking about it. Something happens nearly every day that will remind me about it and then my brain starts ticking over what’s happened and things I would love to say.

And my inner abuser will pipe up her wee voice and start judging me, criticising me, saying things to get me doubting myself. She’s relentless and I wish I could shut her up. But she’s always been there, as long as I can remember. And no amount of effort to change her way of thinking has worked. Sometimes I’m onto her really fast and shut her down before she really gets going. But 90% of my time I’m doing mundane tasks (housewife/mother/admin jobs) and that’s when she seems to thrive. 

When I’m feeling this drained emotionally, it seeps like wispy black smoke into other areas of my life. Like making good, healthy food choices for energy. Like going to bed early and getting good, long sleep. Like keeping up with my yoga and running. I’m losing a grip on the focus and desire to take care of myself and that’s not good. Somehow I need to summon up the motivation to fight and get me back…

WG

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14 thoughts on “Constantly nit picked

  1. elhall says:

    I had an emotionally exhausting day like this last week, and I went through a list of the things I “should’ be doing to make myself feel better. I remembered a Bubble Hour podcast where someone mentioned that you should stop “shoulding” on yourself. The context may have been different than my experiences, but what I thought was that I just needed to stop with all of the “I should” and just chill. So after a long day, I ate ice cream, slouched on the couch and watched TV, then went to bed early and got some rest. Sometimes the best thing to do is nothing, and just rest up. Let yourself off the hook. You’ve been doing a lot of hard work. Sometimes rest is best.

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  2. examinedlife619 says:

    I’m sorry. It is exhausting when there’s constant family drama. It’s so easy to say” don’t let her get to you “. I’m a type a , controlling, sensitive person- what gets me is thinking ” I would never do something like that”. I guess I’m judgemental too with everything. I go over and over what I’ll say if my sil or brother says this. I dream about it. It sucks!! What helps is distraction, huh? You know what could be a really healthy, motivating distraction for you? Maybe sign up for a run! A 5k or a half marathon? anyway, I hope for peace and comfort your way very soon.

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    • Water Girl NZ says:

      Ha! We are verrrrrry similar! Yes, distraction sounds good…perhaps I need to do some planning around fitting self care back into my life. Exercise is so good for me mentally but I’m not motivated at the moment. I’m a hibernator in winter. However, I could do something here at home so no excuses!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. ainsobriety says:

    I follow a spiritual guy named Matt Kahn.
    Instead of suffocating that voice in your head, he says to love it.
    Love the part of you that’s angry. That’s hurt. That’s frustrated.
    Giver her kindness and soothe her.

    It actually works for me. I realize I need kindness and that most of the other crap is someone elses problem, I am just taking it on.

    That inner voice can actually be a guide.
    Try it. Maybe it will help.
    But don’t give up on you. Drinking will not solve any of these problems. It will only create the thought that somehow you deserve them. And you don’t.

    Hugs.
    Anne

    Liked by 1 person

  4. GeeA says:

    Beautiful reply posts here! WG please try and ACCEPT and be GRATEFUL that this is where you are at the moment. Accept that there are things we cannot change. Accept that there will be drama in any family. Accept that you have a choice to let it be part of your life or not…… I choose not with much gratefulness these days. And it works for me. I’ve stepped away from the one that lives her life in drama (SIL) I’ve recently come to accept (fully – like in my heart – talked about this with @Ange yesterday) that SIL is only able to work with what she knows to this point in her life. She is on her own journey. And her thoughts and life dramas are hers. And they’re important to her. They are no longer important to me. All that ‘head stuff’ makes us exhausted. I know well what you are talking about – ‘monkey-mind-chatter’ I call it. There is getting less and less of it as I move on with my ‘self-care-grateful mindful living’.
    I really liked what Anne has posted above. And this guy named Matt Kahn sounds like someone I could resonate with too – so we be checking his website or his posts or whatever….

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Millie says:

    Best thing is to look after YOU, try to calm the mind by having a bath or lots of hot showers if you can, when ll else fails there’s ice-cream. Always remember that you are worth your own love and care x

    Liked by 1 person

  6. suburbanbetty says:

    I treat the bitchy critical voice in my head like a naughty child- no, you may not. that was inappropriate. no you are not getting a pony. how dare you.
    Regarding drama, this may be difficult, but try not responding. I don’t mean be mature or forgiving, I literally mean NO RESPONSE. There is nothing a-holes like less than not getting a rise out of you. Do not engage. It’s fun! I read in a CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) self help book once that if you change your response you’ll change the dynamic.

    Liked by 1 person

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