A Wretched Day

My SIL invited my son to her son’s birthday party. For those of you who have been following this family drama, it’s good that she is still including my children in their cousin’s lives, right? If you are relatively new to my blog you may find it interesting to start at the beginning

Anyway, all week I’ve been nervous as hell about this birthday party. Going to it, having to stay there. On my own.  And unfortunately it was as bad, perhaps worse than I thought. I turned up with a smile but was completely blanked by my SIL and my brother. Not even a hello, no eye contact, nothing. I may as well have been invisible. My son jumped in to the fun with his cousin and their friends. I sat (alone) and watched. They walked passed me several times…nothing. And I realised there and then, I am dead to them. 

When it came time to leave, my SIL said goodbye to my son, but again, it was though I was invisible. Just, nothing. Not a goodbye, not a thanks for coming, not a thanks for the gift…

When I got home I was on the verge of tears. I was shaking, and eventually the anger came. “How dare they treat me like this?” “It’s disgusting”, “I’m a good person, no one deserves to be treated that way”. And finally, after getting it off my chest, I cried. Tears of sorrow. I realised today, I am dead to them. I don’t have two big brothers anymore. Only one.

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20 thoughts on “A Wretched Day

  1. Unconfirmed Bachelorette says:

    I’m sorry they were so awful to you. I found it helpful to distance myself from family for my own well-being. But I never had children and the cousins issue to deal with. Are they still kind to your son? If so, maybe you can drop him off at parties and avoid their crappy behavior. Narcissists have “flying monkeys.” Seems your brother might be one. Maybe some day he’ll snap out of it. Regardless, you’ve got a great thing going. Look away from the narcissist! xo

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    • Water Girl NZ says:

      In hindsight, perhaps I should have dropped him off, but I really wanted to be there to see my little nephew. I’ve been torn all week not knowing what to do! I still don’t know what the right thing to do would have been. Wretched, the whole situation. And yes, both of them are narcissistic to the very core. I understand that now (obviously I’m a slow learner!) thanks for commenting. Xo

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Mrs D says:

    Oh my GAWD! So much energy (from them) to be so filled with hatred. Just left you a message at LS .. please if you can do whatever you can to keep your heart soft then eventually you will be ok. You will – not necessarily them but that’s their river of shit to canoe down (I just made that analogy up). For gods sake.. it’s still astounding to me that there are people that choose to live in this hate filled way but honestly it is not about you there will be deep down shit that is in her way. And you won’t be the only one getting this kind of astonishing treatment. I mean, who does this???!! Life’s too short. Please listen to that Tara talk I gave you the link on LS but here it is again http://www.tarabrach.com/video/2014-02-26-Pt3-A-Forgiving-Heart.html and stay soft and be loving. It will absolutely stand you in good stead – if not with them with yourself and everyone else you come into contact with. Don’t let the hatred spread. No no no no no. We do not live like that. xxx

    Liked by 1 person

    • Water Girl NZ says:

      I will keep my heart soft, I always have. This is just a shit of a challenge…and there lies my lesson from this!

      Their behaviour completely baffles me. Narcissistic to the very core of their being. And so freaking immature, I truly don’t think she has left high school.

      I’ve taken today off work (not feeling well at all) so I will use the time resting to listen to Tara.

      Thanks for commenting, I love you Lotta! 😘

      Liked by 1 person

  3. schooseslife says:

    I have been reading about your SIL situation – sounds so ghastly and my heart goes out to you. I don’t know how to do links so go to ‘markandangelhacklife’ and look in their archives , May 3rd I think. They have written a really good article about toxic family members.
    You have a calm and sober serenity about you – hang on to it ! Xx

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  4. examinedlife619 says:

    Dude. I totally feel you. I re read your blog about the sil. I have a strained relationship as well with mine. I don’t have to see mine as often as you do. But when I do, it’s really sad. I ruminate on what happened, what she did or said, what I said, blah blah. It’s exhausting… And pointless. I have decided to do like you do, say hello, be civil, smile, but keep the F away. There’s no sense for me to try and discuss. No point in trying to resolve it. She’s just not going to change. It is just sad. This all began when I became sober! I had to tell her to stop talking crap about my family and lying about them. That was it. Relationship over. I googled ” toxic people ” images. I really like the quotes. I also just watched Cinderella, the new one and a theme was “have courage and be kind”. That’s all I can do. I wish you well. 😊

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  5. kateh58 says:

    Dearest lovely Water Girl no one should go through such cruel, heartless cold treatment from anyone, let alone family members. I was treated this way for years by my SIL, & blamed for being upset by my husband.(SIL was rather in love with him, all very ickky) Finally, finally, she actually confessed to him what she had done. She sidled up to an apology to me, on the phone!! Said she wasn’t proud & wouldn’t stand up in the living room & say what she had done. Great apology. Then she tried to have meetings with us, with her lovely man too. I was an obsessive about resolving things, but my instincts said KEEP CLEAR. I would get a headache talking with her on the phone (she even described her obsession for her brother. Lord, did I want to hear???) Anyway, I was always kind & friendly, & things were ok especially once we had children. Slowly slowly things softened – until he left me & she had him back for herself!!

    Now, sorry, this is not about me, so to my point. It is actually the behaviour of 7- 15 yr olds – playground going snobby or huffy. Is it possible for you to reframe it as this? Yes, terribly hurtful, but totally childish & pathetic. Then add all that Lotta & Tara say – perfect, absolutely perfect because as you live out love, even in the privacy of your heart, something changes. Slowly, the pain eases & you begin to feel … well, loving. & love is always amazing. I may have raved how I have come to a peaceful haven realising I love my ex & his manipulative grasping partner. I see clearly who they are, I don’t approve, but at the very base of it all, beneath the ugliness & his dreadful selfish neglect of his family, I love him, the person he was, the person he could have become. make any sense? You love your brother. Hate his behaviour, but the love can go on in you. Love is amazing. Freeing. Healing. XXXXXX

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    • Water Girl NZ says:

      Gosh, there is so much hurt in your past also. I hope to reach complete forgiveness…I’m trying to. It’s extremely difficult when confronted with these awkward situations on an almost daily basis, where she in particular, totally blanks me as if I don’t exist. I think I’m doing well, until a day like at the birthday party, and I come home feeling wretched and having a good cry. I’m still hurting by it all, but I am slowly getting there. Thanks for commenting xoxo

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