But the Clouds Are Black?!

Day 49. Seems incredibly unjust I’ve given up drink, am feeling the feelings and end up with depression. I went to the doc today. She was nothing short of amazing, as usual. I’ve got some tools to get me back. No pink cloud yet. Sigh.

Anyone else watch How to Get Away With Murder? This week Annaleise was in a hotel room for a few days, ordering room service, getting drunk, passing out/sleeping. It looked really tempting. That was a red flag. The second red flag was standing in the shower and crying. The third (and alarming) red flag was cutting up the veges for last night’s tea and wondering what it would be like to use the knife on myself.

I’m feeling very grateful for you readers and Living Sober for making it what it is. And once again, thanks to Lovely Lotta, @mrs-d for being the poster girl for sobriety.

  

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7 thoughts on “But the Clouds Are Black?!

  1. me-fixing-me says:

    hi watergirl. i know what you mean, just having reached the 2 months mark I am wondering why i stopped drinking and not feeling superduperawesome. because… wasn’t that the whole idea?
    maybe we want to peak too soon?!

    i am not giving up as i am so curious what will happen…
    take care, keep strong xx

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Unconfirmed Bachelorette says:

    I was filled with anxiety in the beginning. And I wrote a note to Belle about having dark clouds, not pink ones. Somewhere around Day 100, there was a shift. Hang in there! It really does get better. You went to the doc for more tools! You are amazing!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. ainsobriety says:

    I’m really glad you went to your doctor.
    Depression is part of PAWS. But it is also something many of us have masked by drinking.

    I became deeply depressed about a month in. Like you, I started to scare myself. My doctor was kind and helpful.
    I started an antidepressant at that time and it made a huge difference. It took about 3 weeks to work. During which I did almost nothing except walk my kids to school, yoga and lay on my bed.
    I’m thinking of you. This is a hard place. Keep writing!
    Anne

    Liked by 1 person

  4. somuchtogainfromthis says:

    I have had days like that when I feel so bleak that I wonder why I’m bothering to try sobriety. But even though I know I am prone to anxiety and depression and gave been since I was a child, I have had less bleak days since I tried to stay sober. I had a blip and felt terrible. Please hang in in there if you can. I think that if your brain is used to having alcohol it can take a long time for it to readjust. Take care and don’t forget the treats x

    Liked by 2 people

  5. MagzShores @ SoberCourage says:

    Yes, hang in. These are not pleasant times and I can totally relate. But they are also normal in early recovery, your body is doing a whole lot of adjusting and shifting. I read somewhere that it takes about 90 days for normal brain functions to return for a daily drinker. And I am not sure that everyone gets the pink cloud. Or maybe we do but a different times. Either way. Push on through, tomorrow will be better. Hugs.

    Like

  6. Findingmyfreedom says:

    Big hugs to you. I had a similar dark patch a couple of weeks ago. I want everything to be awesome and feel sparkly right now, right right now. Good on you for seeing your doctor, sometimes an outside perspective makes everything feel much more manageable. I hope you feel better soon xx

    Liked by 1 person

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