The familial issue with the sister-in-law continues to dominate my heart, mind and soul. I’m trying not to be consumed by it but I am getting closer to letting her know how I feel…I need to be a bit stronger first!
Today is day 14 for me. This time two weeks ago I was so blotto I was slurring and squinty eyed. Ugh. I’ve had MASSIVE anxiety levels the past two days. Not cos of the lack of drink but due to my relationship with my sister-in-law turning sour. It changed last year when I first got sober. It was like taking my beer goggles off and seeing the ugly people in my life. She’s always put me down, criticised how I look etc which I had let slide…until I was beer goggle-less. I realised how she actually made me feel. Feelings that I had obviously numbed with wine, previously. So I asked her to please stop talking to me and treating me that way. Which she didn’t like of course.
Things have been strained a wee bit since then. Last week (she knows I’m sober) she sent me a photo of her full wine glass, with the caption, “does this make you thirsty?” I responded to her saying that “giving up wine is hard” and “please do not send me photos of it with captions like that, it made me feel horrible.”
My blood is boiling. I’ve kept the relationship civil due to the fact our kids are very close, but since I responded to the photo she’s not talking to me at all now. Which has affected the kids because now they don’t see each other outside school. My nephew broke his leg and she hasn’t kept me in the loop with what’s happening at all…ugh, it’s a mess.
I’m walking around with a knot of anxiety in the pit of my stomach. I feel so down.
What about this street art though? How is this for a sign?! In my own city, I see the “pink cloud” (definition: The alcoholic has made it through the detox process and starts feeling good again) on the building.
It’s beautiful. Inspiring. And I want it. I want to feel it. Soon, I’m sure of it.
International street artist Fintan Magee “Chasing the Thin White Cloud”, well, Fintan, they look pink to me!